And just as you all thought I had forgotten to post a blog, I did too!
But, I remembered, and that is what is important.
Perhaps, what is more important is why I had forgotten: my research paper. Essentially, it has been finished for a while today, but "finished" is a very loosely defined term when it comes to high school and college comparisons. "Finished" is logistically there, but not conceptually, maybe. "Finished" is that extra moment of touch-up spent on the smallest portion of the paper, perhaps. And, I still cannot claim that I have "finished" my paper to my own standard (which is never a static object; I always move the goal post on myself).
But, I do not have to be "finished" to be satisfied. I believe my paper came out as best it could given the context, and I will not lose sleep thinking I haven't done enough of the work, or I haven't put in enough time. On the contrary, I've put in more than most!
My paper is 30 pages and over 100 footnotes long, and with requirements of 20 pages and 15+ footnotes, the end-result is slightly exaggerated, I find.
But it is a reflection of my academic character, for better or for worse. I definitely feel as though I could have done a much better job (and a much shorter job), but I think any serious student—and certainly any I.L.C. student—always keeps in mind the self-defeating theory of "not good enough." And, that serves as both a benefit and detriment.
Either way, the assignment is complete. I am satisfied. I am exhausted. I am excited. And, I am relieved.
Early mornings—I love them.